Although it feels like ages ago, I’ve been reminiscing on my high school days lately. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m going back to college soon, or maybe it’s because around this exact time four years ago I started using my wheelchair in school, or both. Sometimes I believe in that, in how a specific month, day, or even time can make you feel some way because of memories associated with it. Today I’m going to take you into a deeper look at my experiences with others from using a wheelchair in high school.

Some of my best friends from my high school (and still today!) ft. Victoria, Olivia, and Syd

If you don’t know my story, you can find it here but to give you a gist about where I was at: I had spinal surgery the spring of my sophomore year of high school and spent the whole summer recovering. I prolonged walking as much as possible but after I was tripping pretty much every day mid junior year, I made the tough and immediate decision to use a wheelchair.

The first thing I felt using a wheelchair at school was liberation because I didn’t have to watch my stepping and I finally shifted my concentration towards talking with others in the hallways (something I was unable to do when walking). Using a wheelchair in high school was surprisingly not terrible because it made my life a lot easier physically, but uhh some of the responses were a different story.

One instance that I always carry with me is when I asked a close friend at the time if she would wheel me from our same classes together. I don’t remember much of our conversation now but she refused and said something like she wasn’t “fit for the job.” Let alone going through a huge, emotional adjustment, her words only made me even more upset. I think a friend should never make you feel like work or a responsibility, especially if you’re going through some sort of challenge! I didn’t realize that at the time, but she hasn’t been a part of my life since high school.

Other than her, I had one other close friend and a couple of acquaintances. They helped me for a few classes, but I was mostly on my own. Although I never liked to show it, I secretly wanted the help. Yet, when there were people that offered, I would say something like no, no, I feel bad mainly because I didn’t want to trouble anyone (which is super silly to think now but you know high school confidence issues and all). Sometimes I would give in and it was actually pretty nice because after a while, I was meeting more people and even reconnecting with some old friends.

Actually the wheelchair helped me meet one of my closest friends today, Sydney. When she asked me if I wanted help, of course, I initially said no. But after really thinking about it, I decided one extra person wasn’t going to hurt. She wheeled me from our few classes together within the next month, and we just clicked.

Sometimes it was difficult having a friendship with Syd because people would walk by and say to her things like, “Awe, you’re such a good person” or “I’m so proud of you Syd,” oh and this was RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I wasn’t blind, I knew Syd and I were not in the same social groups in high school (or whatever you want to call it), but lol like, seriously? Are some people that oblivious? Those comments made me feel like a charity case, even if they didn’t mean it like that. Although Syd and I both knew it wasn’t true, I still would sometimes question my friendship with not just her, but all of my friends. But that was then, and of course, today those remarks mean nothing to me. More importantly, Syd and I’s friendship has grown even more since.

It was also exhausting when I encountered people in my school who pitied me. I cannot stand (no pun intended) the puppy dog eyes and that high, sweet voice lol! That’s unfortunately probably not going to change, as I still encounter others, even adults, who pity me. Look, I always appreciate kindness and compassion, but there’s a big difference between that and pity. I always aspire to change these perspectives and show that despite FA, I have a life like everyone else; a good one too! 🙂

I just had to move past all of these responses because I was also receiving kindness and positivity from others, just like Victoria, Olivia, and Syd. By the end of high school, there were more people on my side than I could’ve asked for—family, friends, teachers, classmates… even if I only keep in touch with a few of them today. My high school experience was double-sided, and ultimately, yes it wasn’t great but things did turn around for me after my wheelchair. Trust me though, after high school, no one cares about who you were then. It’s just about who you are now and want to be in the future.