My 9-year-old self envisioned that I was the woman version of ironman, and that I was pretty unstoppable. One day, I even told the other kids in my fourth grade class, “I feel hard as a rock” and asked them to knock on my stomach. Weird thing to do right? Not when I wore a back brace. All the other kids were amazed and although I loved receiving so much attention for it, that feeling didn’t last very long.

In middle school, I started to grow frustrated at my brace because of the way it looked underneath my clothes. With my body starting to change, it was uncomfortable for me to wear; especially with tightened shirts. I became extremely conscious of the way I looked and how some of the other girls pointed out the bulges from my brace under my shirts. Now I laugh at how I was so self-conscious of that when I should have been owning it!!! And yes, even those off-the-shoulder peace sign shirts and galaxy leggings I wore all the time.

Once I was diagnosed with FA, it became even more difficult to keep up with all the doctors and physical therapists but hey, we made it! At that point, my family and I knew my scoliosis was a symptom of FA, when before, we had no clue that it was. Sometimes I felt like my scoliosis helped FA because wearing my brace ironically balanced out a bit of walking for me, but that still doesn’t mean I wanted anything to do with it lol. It wasn’t until my spinal fusion surgery in 2016 that I stopped wearing my brace. There were metal rods in my spine, so there was no need for it anymore. Although I was nervous for the surgery, I was also super happy because I knew that after 6 or 7 years, this meant no more brace!

All of this scoliosis and back brace stuff now seems like a distant memory. I sometimes forget about all the tears I shed because my brace was uncomfortable, how I didn’t like the way it looked under my clothes, or about the physical pain I had from being hospitalized after surgery. It’s crazy how I can just forget some of the biggest events from my childhood. I think it’s because I used to look at the past a lot, sometimes I admit I’m still guilty of it, but other moments I try to focus more on what I can do for myself now and in the future. My past experiences are still a part of me, and always will be. Those back brace years were definitely simpler times where maybe a little part of me still wishes I could be that oblivious 9-year-old who thought she was a superhero. The other part of me is grateful for it all and how I handled so much at such a young age. Although my scoliosis chapter finished, it prepared me for things that were going to come next.